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Introduction
Sitting
alone with this pungent volume, I somehow feel it is a thing of destiny. It
must, by sheer alchemy of time and place, find a vital role in the lives of some
50 million Americans who still shun the shallow artifices of inside plumbing.
It must also, I feel, sound the tocsin of freedom for those
countless other millions enslaved by the smothering, soul-less cubicles of
chrome and porcelain that too often replace that fine old American institution.
These 50 million Americans are the solid men and women of the
heartlands, the simple forthright agrarians who nourish the grassroots of our
economy. For them there is no frenetic, clawing struggle for the gleaming
trinkets of decadence. For them no feckless battle for two cars in every garage
… two chickens in every pot. For these philosophers of our age, a simple pot is
luxury enough … a single, unpretentious pot that opens daily the vista of the
enticing grassy lane and its sylvan terminus where America’s Founding Fathers
found solace and inspiration.
Too swiftly moves the world apace … and in that swift passage
our technicians have too long neglected their urban compatriots who also would
like to sound their clarion call to action in the clover-scented outdoors … in
the quiet hum of the bee and the wasp … in the tranquil poopdeck behind the
crescent door.
In this classic tome the author, Frank O’Beirne, has repaired
this brutal omission of our technical age. He spared neither time nor expense in
a monumental tour of research across our broad land. Over a period of months he
traveled thousands of miles, investigated bayou and poopdeck until he had
evolved a basic philosophy of design.
In the beginning he found strong resistance among the
cliff-dwellers of the urban centers, steeped as they were in the sophistries of
copper plumbing and chromium fixtures. But as the study progressed, they found
themselves in blissful rapport with Mr. O’Beirne’s return to fundamentals.
In the final stages, the work became a project of almost
fantastic enthusiasm. Ideas poured in by the score. Advocates lost all concept
of time in test runs of 12, 14 and even 16 hours. They checked diameters,
adjusted angles, found at last the perfect alignment so conducive to the
mechanism conceived by our forefathers to free man’s soul from the mundane
sphere of existence.
So zealously did the chief test pilot pursue his research
upon the unusual “Retriever” that he is still undergoing treatment by a
nationally known chiropractor who promises to have him unbent within the year.
With this background of painstaking development I feel sure
this little work will find a niche in the literature of the people. It brings to
all of us the beauty and efficiency of modern design and yet retains the
essence, yes, the very aroma, of pioneer America.
May I invite you, then, to peruse this book in the spirit of its creation …
Gentlemen, be seated!
W.C.
The metropolitan design, depicted on the Title Page and the Jacket, transplants country charm into the heart of the city. It is amid such surroundings that the harried business tycoon may recapture the nostalgia of his youth while keeping an eye on the passing activities of his urban stronghold. It is well to remember that in large urban areas, where living is most competitive, distinction lies in being seen and recognized in the best places. What could better call attention to one’s position than being seen in one of the really smart spots for which the Big City is noted. Located at the crossroads, this swank edifice is the last word in achieving prestige and social acceptance. Discreet attendants, working with feline precision, meet every need, supplying, on the request of the guests, television, radio and telephone services, even magazines and the latest editions of the great metropolitan dailies. This design is called the New Yorker.
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